Bad practices.
Great excuses.
Welcome to Parrish Consulting-ish, where every simple problem deserves a complicated process, every question deserves a meeting, and every meeting deserves another meeting.
Why make something easy when you can make it complicated?
At Parrish Consulting-ish, we have perfected a fictional business model built around unnecessary steps and impressive sounding explanations.
Making You Wait
Why answer today when tomorrow provides such a wonderful opportunity for another follow-up email?
More Paperwork
Need one simple answer? Excellent. Please complete these seventeen completely fictional forms first.
Maximum Complexity
We believe every straightforward business decision should involve at least three acronyms and a spreadsheet.
Customer Service-ish
Our fictional support team is standing by to transfer you to someone who can schedule a meeting with someone else.
Endless Follow-Ups
We don't lose your request. We simply move it into an exciting new stage of the process.
Accountability*
*Results may vary. Terms and conditions may exist. Nobody has actually read them.
Please remain calm. A meeting has been scheduled.
If you are experiencing an unnecessarily complicated business process, please do not attempt to solve it yourself. Doing so may result in accidentally becoming efficient, which is strictly against the fictional policies of Parrish Consulting-ish.
Experience. Expertise. Excessive use of the word "strategy."
Parrish-ish Consulting is a completely fictional organization dedicated to the noble pursuit of making websites look extremely professional while solving absolutely nothing.
Our highly imaginary team combines decades of hypothetical experience across technology, purchasing, marketing and business operations.
We asked our imaginary customers what they thought.
Every review on this page is fictional and exists solely for parody.
"I contacted them about one thing and somehow ended up attending a 90-minute meeting about another thing."
— Completely Fictional Customer Fictional Review"The response was incredibly professional. Unfortunately, it didn't answer my question."
— Also Fictional Fictional Review"Would absolutely send another email asking for an update. 10/10 experience."
— Definitely Not A Real Review Fictional ReviewWhat could possibly go wrong?
According to our entirely imaginary customers, apparently quite a lot.
"Nobody knows who's responsible."
Fortunately, there is a meeting scheduled to determine who should schedule the meeting that determines this.
"I asked a simple question."
The question has now been escalated to a committee, reviewed by a consultant, and converted into a PDF.
"Why is this taking so long?"
Excellent question. We have forwarded your question to the department responsible for answering questions.
"Can I speak to someone?"
Absolutely. Please remain on hold while we locate someone who can locate someone.
Have a problem? Let's make it a project.
Tell us what you're working on and our entirely fictional consultants will get back to you.